Sometimes bliss and balance come about naturally and other times you have to work really hard to bring them into your life. Today was one of the days when nothing seemed to go right and I spent the day in a perpetual state of stress. It started off this morning when my husband and I continued the sniping that we started last night. I’m still not exactly sure what started the sniping. His viewpoint, of course, is that I started it by nagging and I’m absolutely convinced that he started it by being rude and condescending. As with most things, the truth is somewhere in the middle.
Our daughter got up grouchy because she was out too late last night at prom and because she said that her father and I woke her up with our arguing. Then Sean got up and had the same complaint. Interesting, because we hadn’t really been fighting, there’d just been a few sharp words exchanged. We went out for breakfast and life calmed down for a few minutes, except when the kids had to tell me I was being bitchy because I reminded the waiter he’d forgotten my pancakes. Apparently, asking for something the waiter forgot is now rude and condescending. Go figure.
After breakfast, my plan was to run some errands that had gotten neglected during the week. The first stop was downtown Arlington Heights where I needed to pick up a handbag I’d left the previous week and my daughter had to pick up her new glasses. I parked so I could go get my bag and she could get her glasses. No sooner than I’d started walking down the street then my phone rang and it was my daughter berating me because the optometrist was closed and if I’d have called ahead we could have been there on time, blah, blah, blah. Never mind that she is 17, they are her glasses, and she is quite capable of dialing a phone to find out their hours. It was all Mom’s fault, just like world hunger and the last war that broke out.
The next step was the garage to get a new front tire. We headed up to Mt. Prospect with my Blues in the CD player and me looking forward to a chance to relax and listen to music that I really love. Fat chance of that. As soon as she got into the car, daughter dearest plugged her iPod in and started cranking out depressing and stressful rap. I reminded her that she was just along for the ride and that I really wanted to listen to my music. She gave me an earful about how boring my music was and how it gave her a headache. So we decided that we’d make the trip with no music.
When we got to the garage, I walked in and asked them to put the cheapest tire they had on the car. The bill was going to be $80. Not a big deal for an unexpected expense. My daughter and I walked over to the bookstore to wait and we spent time just chilling, browsing, and then reading the books we’d decided to indulge in since the car wasn’t as expensive as I thought it was going to be. We walked back over to get the car and the mechanic told us that we really needed to get another of our tires replaced as the steel thread was showing and it was dangerous to drive on. Looking at the tire, I couldn’t help to agree so I signed up to buy another tire. It pushed the bill to $180 (I’m not sure how 2 times $80 became $180, but apparently they also charged me for rotating and inspecting my tires. Not a lot I could about it after the new tires were already on the car.
We left the garage to drive up to Grayslake to get a Rat Zapper, which we’d heard was one of the most effective mice eradication tools available. After an hour on the road in rain and heavy traffic, we pulled into the address that was listed on the Website and found the store had closed several months ago. Okay, so it was time for plan B. There was one other store in the area that carried rat zappers, so we headed over to Lake Forest. We got there in time to find that they’d sold the last two rat zappers that morning. I gave him my name and he said he’d call me when they got more in.
On the way home, my daughter began complaining about the fact that her pupils were two different sizes and this was obviously a sign of a brain tumor. For those of you who don’t know my darling daughter, despite the fact that she’s very active in debate, the newspaper, and she walks to and from work most days, she is a very sickly child who comes down with a new disease every week, usually after spending an afternoon surfing WebMd. No matter what her symptoms, she always has the most dire disease known to man. Of course, when we take her to the doctor she is either fine or can’t describe her symptoms. Her whining was the last straw and I snapped at her and reminder her that we’d run up thousands of dollars in medical bills over the last year for her without the doctors finding anything. Of course, then she was offended and hurt and I let like the lowest form of dirt for snapping at her. After that she was quiet and I was left to stew in my guilt over being the worst parent in the world.
The real question, of course, was whether or not I could salvage any bliss or balance from such a rotten day. The answer, of course, is that there is always bliss or at least a sense of balance to be salvaged if you’re willing to work for it. I stopped on the way home to pick up take out so that at least I didn’t have to listen to everyone asking what’s for dinner while giving me that pointed glance that tells me I’m lower than a slug for not having a four course dinner on the table.
Once the dinner problem was solved, I went outside and picked some of my big showy peonies to bring inside to brighten my desk. The look beautiful in the blue milk glass vase that game with the flowers my husband got me for Mother’s Day. That of course reminded me that he really does love me and that he does do a lot of thoughtful things for me. The next step in the quest for bliss was to cut up a granny smith apple to enjoy. I sat at my desk, bit into the tart and tangy flesh of my apple and enjoyed a sensuous burst of flavor that helped improve my mood immensely. Putting on some good blues and looking around at all my favorite things actually put a smile on my face. The photos of my kids growing up reminded me what sweet and wonderful kids they really were and that I’m fortunate to be blessed with such terrific kids. My ink drawings of Mt. Fuji reminded me how lucky I’ve been to have traveled the world. My “Rosie the Riveter” lunch box that my husband bought me in Madison, Wi made me smile as I remember that wonderful trip and how much my husband loves and supports my interests. It also reminded me that a lot of people had faced a lot darker days than the one I’ve having today and had lived to tell about it.
The final step in my transformation from blah to bliss was sitting down at the keyboard and writing. Writing always makes me feel better as it helps me clarify my thoughts and see that even my darkest days are not that dark.
I think the first step in “bliss” is telling yourself that you aren't going to let shit bother you. And FYI, I would never EVER say those kinds of things about you on “Ask Nova,” even if they were true.
Come on, Nova. This was a journey from down in the dumps to bliss. She has said some very, very kind things about you. Might make some others jealous that they have a husband like you!!