Tarot Blog Hop: Where Am I Going?

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For our Lammas 2023 Hop, our fearless wrangler Kimberly Essex proposed the topic of “Where am I going? This topic is very timely for me as I have been contemplating the question of what is my purpose and where am I going in life a lot lately. I work a job that pays very well, but is soul sucking. My time is spent frantically doing things that really don’t make a difference in people’s lives.

The question of “Why am I here?” came into sharp focus this past Saturday. My daughter and I were driving home from Rhode Island (about a 10 drive) and we were about two hours from home. For some reason, I was thinking about Santa Muerte and then it happened. I tried to pass a car and he swerved into me, I took to the shoulder thinking I could still pass, but I hit the lip and veered through the median into the other lane of traffic. There was no one coming and I was able to get back into my lane, but it was terrifying. It all happened so slow and so fast and it felt as if I wasn’t in control of the car. This isn’t the first brush with death I’ve had where it felt as if there was divine intervention in saving my life and each one has prompted the question of why was I saved? Why am I here?

I decided to do a spread to answer these questions and I chose the Santa Muerte deck as she has been calling to me.

Where am I? (Three of Pentacles)

The three of pentacles is about perseverance and patience, but one of the more traditional meanings for the three of pentacles is learning teamwork and collaboration. I have always believed that life is a journey and that we are placed in circumstances to help us learn. The project that I am on is insane and I am having to work with and collaborate with people in ways that I never have had to do before.

I am also learning to set boundaries and to sit in uncomfortable silence without volunteering. We have people on our project who do not pull their weight and have, what I believe, is weaponized incompetence. I have one teammate in particular who publicly throws people under the bus, then expects us to help her. I’m done with that. People need to learn to step up and do the work that is required for the project.

The last lesson I am learning is to stand my ground and assert myself. There are people who will run over you and who don’t

what I do and I continually have to assert myself and put people in their place That is not fun, but it is a lesson I’m learning.

Why have I been saved? (Three of Cups)

I have been saved to interact with and help others. There is something in life for me to accomplish and that involves helping and interacting with others. This card, according to the book, is about not allowing fear to obstruct my point of view. This is an interesting reading for this card because Santa Muerte called me right before I had my near miss and she has been on my mind.

Santa Muerte first showed up in my life about 7 years ago when a friend bought a brown Santa Muerte and said she was mine. I returned the gift because Santa Muerte has always intimidated me. She is one of those deities that requires heavy duty devotion and I’ve never felt I was in a position to give her the devotion she needed / wanted. However, she is showing up again and my fear is telling me to say no. However, maybe the lesson here is to move past my fear.

What do I need to learn? (Hierophant)

The Hierophant is about rules and dogma, but he is also about connecting and being a mediator. I am always in a position of mediating and being a liaison as that is my role at work. As I reflect on this card, it feels as if the message is to not be afraid of dogma and not be afraid of the rules. I tend to be someone who questions authority and questions the “because this is the way it has always been done” attitude. However, the message I’m getting from this card is to give the rules a chance and to let them provide order and structure.

My got tells me that this is Santa Muerte’s way of telling me to not be afraid of what i have read and to work to establish my own relationship with her. She is telling me that as a goddess, there are different rules for everyone. Some people need structure and some people need things more loose. I’m not sure how I feel about this, but it is something to meditate on.

What is my purpose? (The Emperor)

The Emperor is telling me that my purpose is to be the master of my own domain and to help others to be the master of their domain. My role is to be a helper and an example. As an example, I need to live the life that I feel is right for me and not stay trapped in a corporate hellscape. However, the Emperor is also telling me to not lose sight of myself and to maintain my boundaries.

One of the things that I am really bad at is letting other people knock me off balance and I feel as if I’ve been knocked off balance a lot lately. All too often I let other people take too much from me and I let other people guide what I do instead of living on my own terms. My job is a perfect example, everyone always needs something from me and instead of saying no, I help them. At heart I am a helper, but it is wearing me down, I need to figure out how to help others and maintain my own boundaries and be the master of my own domain.

How do I get there? (Knight of Pentacles)

The knight of pentacles advises me to take calculated risks. Overall the Knight of Pentacles is a slow and steady knight who plows through and perseveres no matter what, but he is also willing to follow his heart and to take risks that will allow him to follow his heart’s desire. The knight also tells me to enjoy the journey and to not be so focused on the destination that I don’t enjoy the scenery and enjoy the lessons.

My heart tells me that the knight of pentacles is also telling me to continue to be a standup person who lives life according to her principles and doesn’t take shortcuts or hurt people to get ahead. Life is hard and there is no point in hurting others.

The tricky part is drawing boundaries, but still being kind. I’m not always good at this.

How will I know when I am there? (Queen of Pentacles)

I will know I am there when I am no longer afraid of other people taking away what I have in life. I spend way too much time being afraid of what people think and when I live in that mode, I risk losing what I have because of my fear. I need to learn to let go of fear and live life on my own terms. I need to learn to be true to who I am and I’m not very good at that.

Being true to who I am would mean quitting my job and trusting that the universe will take care of me, but I’m not there yet. I don’t know how I get there.

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