Note: This was an assignment for Death and the Maiden
The textbook definition of emotional labor is the act of managing one’s emotions at work in order to achieve desired results (Barnett, Hays, & Cantu, 2022). Examples of emotional labor include waitresses who are cheery and solicitous in order to satisfy customers and get bigger tips; bill collectors who are harsh and aggressive to get people to pay their bills; and funeral directors who have a calm and caring attitude (Walsh & Baker, 2022). For people like our trauma cleaner Sandra Pankhurst, emotional labor requires an individual to manage their own emotions even when their own life is falling apart. Emotional labor is often confused with emotion work which is the work that people, often women, do in their personal lives to maintain personal relationships. Emotional work can include party planning, gift giving, listening to a friend’s problems, and other activities for people they know personally (Grandey, 2022).
There is no question that women involved in the death and dying industry, which includes both funeral professionals and hospice workers, do emotional labor. What was interesting about Pruitt’s work was that she talked significantly about “emotional strength” and how there were some people who did not believe that women were emotionally fragile and did not have the emotional strength to deal with difficult situations (Pruitt, 2018, p. 150). However, the alternative view is that women do make good funeral directors because of their compassion and their ability to deal well with grieving people and to be present with families (Pruitt, 2018, p. 152). In reality, the ability to both maintain composure while dealing with difficult situations and be compassionate while helping grieving families are both aspects of emotional labor.
While the work done by funeral professionals mostly falls into the category of emotional labor, the lines between emotional labor and emotional work become blurrier when discussing hospice workers and professionals like Sandra Pankhurst who interact with clients for a longer period of time. In these instances, professionals may develop quasi-friendships, this is especially true in instances where the professional has a past relationship with a client. For instance, a hospice worker may encounter past neighbors, acquaintances, or old teachers in their work, which may make the boundary between personal and professional difficult to maintain (Sanders, Bullock, & Broussard, 2012). In some instances, family members become close to hospice workers, give them small gifts, include them in family celebrations, and call them after hours. Hospice workers may also overidentify with clients and overstep bounds by running personal errands or giving gifts. Although, hospice workers may initially view this as providing good service, it can create problems if the boundaries between work and professional are not understood as family members may become upset when the relationship does not continue after their loved one has died (Sanders, Bullock, & Broussard, 2012). My initial response to The Trauma Cleaner was that Sandra had crossed the boundary between emotional labor and emotional work with the clients she saw more than once as she gave them furniture and had conversations around their lives (Krasnostein, 2018). However, on further reflection, I don’t believe she crossed this boundary as she was easily able to let go of people and their situations when she left work or left a relationship.
The question of why women excel at emotional labor, especially in the death and dying field, is an interesting one and some believe that women are more attentive to the emotional needs of others because of genetics. One of Pruitt’s interviewees compared being a good funeral director to being maternal. However, there is also an argument to be made that women are more attentive to the emotional needs of others because they have been socialized to be attentive to the needs of others (Pruitt, 2018, pp. 151-152). This explanation makes sense to me on a personal level because even though I have done my best to raise my 30something children equally, I haven’t always succeeded. My daughter and son got into an argument the other day and my response was to expect my daughter to keep and maintain the peace while giving her brother a pass because he’d had a hard day at work. Fortunately, my daughter called me on this and I will course correct in the future.
There is also a third potential explanation and that is childhood trauma or being raised in a dysfunctional family may lead people to caretaking professions as a form of codependency. While there are several definitions of codependency, the one that is most apt in this instance is that of a dysfunctional relationship where one person is the giver and one person is the taker (Psychology Today). Key examples of codependent behavior include the need for approval from others, being a compulsive caretaker, and feelings of shame. One key risk factor for developing codependent tendencies is having a dysfunctional family of origin (Martsolf, 2002). Although I could not find research to support my theory , I believe that codependency arises because it is easier to focus on another person’s problems than your own. I have my own codependent tendencies and I was struck by reading Sandra’s story as it seemed she focused on other people’s problems as a way to prove that she had worth and value. I also believe codependency may be a way to show other people the care and compassion that you were never shown.
All three theories nature, nurture, and codependency make sense as a root cause for the emotional labor that women do. However, for Sandra, at least, the theory of codependency as a root cause of her emotional work / labor makes sense to me because she was not born a woman, she received minimal kindness and nurturing as a child, and she suffered extreme childhood trauma that may have led to her codependent behaviors.
References
Barnett, M. D., Hays, K. N., & Cantu, C. (2022). Compassion fatigue, emotional labor, and emotional display among hospice nurses. Death Studies, 290-296.
Grandey, A. (2022). What is Emotional Labor. Retrieved from Penn State: Workplace Emotional Labor and Diversity: https://weld.la.psu.edu/what-is-emotional-labor/
Hero Health. (n.d.). Caretaking vs Caregiving: What you need to know. Retrieved from Hero Health: https://herohealth.com/blog/caregiving/caretaking-vs-caregiving/#:~:text=Caretaking%20refers%20to%20the%20responsibilities,of%20love%20and%20lifelong%20commitment.
Krasnostein, S. (2018). The Trauma Cleaner: One Woman’s Extraordinary Life in the Business of Death, Decay, and Disaster. New York: St. Martin’s Press.
Kupferman, E. (n.d.). Caretaking versus Caregiving. Retrieved from Expressive Counseling: https://www.expressivecounseling.com/articles/codependency-caretaking
Martsolf, D. S. (2002). Codependency, Boundaries, and Professional Nurse Caring: Understanding Similarities and Differences in Nursing Practice. Orthopaedic Nursing, 61-67.
Pruitt, A.-S. (2018). Redoing Gender: How Women in the Funeral Industry Use Essentialism for Equality. Gender, work, and organization, 144-158.
Psychology Today. (n.d.). Codependency. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/codependency
Sanders, S., Bullock, K., & Broussard, C. (2012). Exploring Professional Boundaries in End-of-Life Care: Considerations for Hospice Social Workers and Other Members of the Team. Journal of Social Work in End-of-Live and Palliative Care, 10-28.
Walsh, M. J., & Baker, S. A. (2022, July 11). What is emotional labour – and how do we get it wrong? Retrieved from The Conversation: https://theconversation.com/what-is-emotional-labour-and-how-do-we-get-it-wrong-185773