We’ve all heard about fair weather friends, those folks who are only there for you when your life is going perfectly, but what about foul weather friends? I’ve come to realize that there are some people in this world who only want to be your friend when your life is, pardon the expression, totally going to shit. These are the people who will spend hours listening to your tales of woe, but aren’t there for you when things are going great. I finally realized that the guy who was my best friend during the horrible first few years after my divorce is a foul weather friend who loves to rescue damsels in distress. He was the guy who would call me if I was having a bad day to check in on me and the guy who listened to me endlessly cry and obsess over the same damn thing. However, once I started healing and became capable of standing on my own two feet, he’s distanced himself from me. I’m still not sure why, but maybe it’s because he feels more comfortable dealing with damsels in distress than strong and capable women. Knights on white horses (or black TLs) who love to ride to the rescue, are not the only foul weather friends I’ve encountered in my life. I’ve also had women friends who seem to love to indulge in my misery. With the female friends, it’s always seemed to be about relishing the fact that I’m in a bad spot. They never came up with practical solutions, but seemed to enjoy hearing my tales of woe and repeating them to mutual friends.
It was only when I started to get strong enough to handle my own problems that I started to recognize foul weather friends. They were the ones who always seemed ready to listen to my problems, but never the successes. They were the ones that seemed to relish the tales of my distress and, looking back, I realize that once I started to recover and show signs of maturity, some of these foul weather friends planted seeds of doubt by questioning my plans.
The foul weather friends who relished my misery were easy to get rid of as all I had to do was quit calling them with my laundry list of problems. However, letting go of my knight in the black TL was a little bit harder because he always was helpful and supportive and was truly there for me when I was in a bad place. And I have to admit that a part of me truly loved having someone ride to my rescue, but I also realized that I don’t need white knights anymore. We’ve never actually talked about it, but I have to be honest and say our friendship changed the day he told me I was a strong woman. A part of me misses our old relationship, but I know i can never go back because I am no longer a damsel in distress.